


tell me how to breathe and feel no hurt

by daysgoby



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Female Ian Gallagher, Female Mickey Milkovich, Good Sibling Mandy Milkovich, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mickey Milkovich Being an Idiot, kash and terry is mentioned briefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-19 06:21:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22373308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daysgoby/pseuds/daysgoby
Summary: The summer heat had come so Gallagher was wearing a tanktop and fucking hell she had great tits. Mickey realised that her gaze had lingered when Gallagher leaned forward, giving Mickey something more to admire, eyes sharp and smile knowing. “Sure thing boss”Mickey turned away, hating how she could feel her cheeks burning.“Don’t call her boss, Ianna; she’s already unbearable as it is. No need to stroke her fucking ego” Mandy complained as she started the xbox, grabbing a controller.“Don’t worry Mandy, her ego is the last thing I wanna stroke” Gallagher said casually.Mickey shoved a another handful of chips into her mouth, chewing obnoxiously and as loud that she could. Fucking Gallagher and her big mouth. If she hadn’t given her snacks she would’ve kicked her ass for that comment. Mickey wondered if she knew that.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Kash Karib, Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich, Mandy Milkovich/Original Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 57





	tell me how to breathe and feel no hurt

**Author's Note:**

> Been going through all my unfinished works and I have sooo many fics with Gallavich, it's not even funny. Finisihed this one though, and I hope you enjoyed it because it was fun to write and also fucking great because this is the first fic that's this long and FINISHED. 
> 
> The title is from the song Us - James Bay

Mickey's always been good at observing and noticing stuff about people. She could easily figure out their ticks and weaknesses - knowing where to strike hardest to hurt them. It was a useful quality, something that the rest of the Milkovich siblings didn't really have.

She also noticed other stuff, stuff she wasn't allowed to look at. Like the soft curve of a girl's waist, their asses when they walked by or their breast bouncing up and down - it was hypnotizing. Mickey knew better than to vocalize these thoughts, it wasn’t natural. At least not for a Milkovich.

Normally Mickey had no problems with keeping her eyes where they supposed to be, but that was until fucking Mandy brought home her new friend, a fucking Gallagher. 

Mickey couldn’t tell what it was that made it so hard not to stare. If anything Gallagher looked fucking weird with her vibrant wavy red hair and freckles all over the place. She wore her brothers hand me down clothes, not skanky clothes; which was what Mickey usually liked to look at. 

She wanted to tear her hair out because Mandy always brought Gallagher around. Fucking annoying that's what it was. But the thing that bothered her the most was how open she was, like she'd be dropping hints about finding other girls hot and it made Mickey fucking uncomfortable. Didn't dykes have a fucking gaydar or something, sensing when people had gay thought?. Like in the movies or whatever.

Mickey tried to keep her head down, which wasn’t hard when Terry was around. It got harder when Gallagher gave her knowing smirks when Terry acted like a dick, or brought beers and snacks from her work, as if they were friends. Gallagher was smudging the lines and Mickey didn’t know what to do with that. Mickey knew that for all her strengths she wasn’t a person who was a nice friend. She would happily stab someone in the back if it would give her something she wanted. 

She tore into a bag of chips that Gallagher threw at her, ignoring how Mandy howled over the fact that she should have gotten something first. Mickey smirked and shoved a handful of chips, chewing with open mouth. 

“Disgusting” Mandy reached over to snatch the bag away but Mickey quickly moved it away from her sister. Gallagher snorted as she pulled out the rest of the snacks and drinks from her backpack. 

“You’re such a fucking bitch” Mandy got up but Mickey gave a hard push to her shoulders so she fell back to the couch. “ _Mikhaila_ ”

Mickey’s eyebrows went up. “Don’t fucking call me that” A snigger made Mickey turn to Gallagher who was failing to hide her grin behind her beer. Mickey pointed her finger with all the determination she had, “And don’t you fucking dare to call me that, it’ll be the last fucking thing you do”

She was used to people shivering or running away but Gallagher never seemed fazed, if anything Gallagher looked outright amused, which admittedly it was kinda hot. The summer heat had come so Gallagher was wearing a tanktop and fucking hell she had great tits. Mickey realised that her gaze had lingered when Gallagher leaned forward, giving Mickey something more to admire, eyes sharp and smile knowing. “Sure thing boss” 

Mickey turned away, hating how she could feel her cheeks burning. 

“Don’t call her boss, Ianna; she’s already unbearable as it is. No need to stroke her fucking ego” Mandy complained as she started the xbox, grabbing a controller. 

“Don’t worry Mandy, her ego is the last thing I wanna stroke” Gallagher said casually. 

Mickey shoved a another handful of chips into her mouth, chewing obnoxiously and as loud that she could. Fucking Gallagher and her big mouth. If she hadn’t given her snacks she would’ve kicked her ass for that comment. Mickey wondered if Gallagher knew that. 

Mickey wiped her hands on her pants and took the other controller. They could suck a dick and Mickey could not care less. 

  
  


"GET YOUR FUCKING HEAD IN THE GAME, YOU CALL THAT A PUNCH, FUCKING PUSSY"  
  
"You know, yelling at the video game characters won't-"  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK, MOVE YOUR FAGGITY ASS AND STOP CRYING ABOUT IT"  
  
"-make them any better you actually gotta press the buttons."  
  
"This is why Joey never plays with Mickey anymore, it's fucking pathetic." Mandy sighed while shoveling chips into her mouth, finally gotten a hold of Mickey’s bag.  
  
"Yeah?" Ianna didn't bother to hide her glee this time.  
  
"Last time Mickey threw the controller at Joey's face so hard he got a black eye and a chipped tooth"

Mickey wondered, when she was alone, if Gallagher was all talk. It wasn’t a fucking secret that Mickey joined in on her family’s fagbashing, shouting and punching for whatever reason. There usually wasn’t any reason. Not that Mickey cared. As long as it wasn’t her, she couldn’t fucking care less. 

Gallagher was smart enough to only make these remarks when Mandy was around, not anyone else. So maybe she had a clue; and just lacked fucking sense. She was a Gallagher after all and Mickey knew that she should stay the fuck away from those loonies. Drama followed them like a curse, and the last Mickey needed was public attention. 

\---

A loud bang woke her up and she quickly made an effort to scan the room to figure out what the fuck happened. Something heavy came over her chest and Mickey stared dumbly up at a sneering Gallagher. A sneering Gallagher in a short skirt and tank top. Mickey couldn’t be more ecstatic over global warming. 

“What the fuck Gallagher” Mickey rasped, squirming to get away. Not that anything happened, Gallagher was fucking ripped. 

“Where’s the money Mickey?” Gallagher tensed her quads and fucking hell that hurt. 

“What money?! Get the fuck off me dipshit”

“Don’t play dumb; the money you stole from Kash. You’re gonna give everything back” 

Mickey stared up into Gallaghers wide-open eyes and couldn’t get over the fact that she actually was showing her teeth, like an animal. What was her life, honestly. 

“What if they’re gone huh?” Mickey moved her head forward, hoping to hit any part of the girl, but Gallagher had a strong hold on Mickeys shoulder, pushing them into the maddress, so she couldn’t reach the girl. “What you gonna do? Yell at me? Punch me? Cry a fucking river? Do your fucking best Gallagher” As Mickey tried to shove Gallaghers thighs away, she accidently got her hands under her skirt, feeling a silky texture beneath her fingers. 

Mickey could feel Gallagher stop breathing when she did, and Mickey didn’t need Gallagher to tell her that it felt nice, she could sense the shift in the air. Without a second thought Mickey let her fingers explore as Gallagher fumbled to remove Mickeys clothes. 

When Gallagher left “fucking hell can’t you just call me Ianna for once”, Mickey laid in the bed; dragging her fingers through her short hair pulling it anxiously. Her first thought was, what the fuck did she just do. Her second thought was that that was the greatest thing she had ever felt, and her last thought was that Gallagher had to die.

Mickey could admit she lost her fucking cool but she was downright panicking; every scenario in her head ended up with the same conclusion; Terry finding out and she got a bullet in her head. Gallagher was nice and all but Mickey wanted to live. 

Mickey rounded up Colin and Joey, making sure that Mandy didn’t know, and did her best to find her so she could make sure the redhead kept her fucking mouth shut, milkovich-style. Mickey wasn’t a lucky girl, so naturally they didn't catch her. Mandy had to get her fucking nose into every single thing. Mickey did find Lip and she fucking enjoyed punching the smirk off his face more than what would've been classified as normal. 

Mickey waited for retaliation and got none. It made no sense, Mickey had fucking bashed her brother's face. It made Mickey uneasy and jittery. She was fucking good at noticing stuff but this, this she couldn’t figure out. 

What she did know was that Gallagher didn’t like it when she stole from Kash n Grab, which was why she couldn’t fucking stop stealing from Kash n Grab. It was addictive and Mickey was fucking aware that she had turned into this psycho girl that had nothing better in her life than obsessing over Gallagher. Even Mandy had given her two cents about it, and that made Mickey feel fucking pathetic. 

She wanted to know why, after all her fire over her stealing the money, she didn’t do shit when Mickey stole stuff in front of her. The best part about the theft was when Mickey would look her dead in the eyes and a pretty blush would rise on Ianna’s cheeks. It was a dare and she made it fucking clear with a smirk. Ianna refused to take the bait and it was fucking Mickey up. 

Every time Mickey closed her eyes she replayed that day in repeat, rough touches and breathy groans. She wanted more than daydreams, but she didn’t want to fucking beg for it. Mickey had to draw a fucking line, and that was it. So she tried to seduce her as if they were five and on a playground, pulling pigtails. 

Mickey was kind of surprised when Gallagher dragged her into an ally, that it actually worked. Ianna pushed Mickey’s shoulder and said something angry. Mickey didn’t fucking listen because, it didn’t really feel important. Blabla stop robbing me blabla you’re a dick blabla. Gallagher was dynamite on two legs with a golden pussy. The last thing Mickey cared for was some bullshit whining. 

Mickey flinched when Gallagher slapped her cheek so hard it stinged. “Can you pull your head out of your ass and listen to me for fuck sake”

Mickey scrunched her eyebrows, this did not feel like an surprise bang-moment. “The fuck was that for”

“I-i just told you” Ianna stepped back a few steps, looking around in the empty alley. It was mid-day, barely any people milling around as most were working. The sun caught her strands, making her hair glow as if it was on fire. “you’re such a fucking bitch you know that?”

Mickey shrugged, “Yeah”

“Find another fucking store to steal from, I swear to god..-” 

“-your gonna do what?” Mickey was quick on her feet to get up all close to Gallagher, “You’re making it a habit to tell me what to do and I don’t fucking like it” 

Mickey raised her eyebrows at the girl, daring her to do something and she wasn't disappointed. Ianna grabbed Mickey's t-shirt and punched her in the jaw. It drew a groan from Mickeys lips and she was quick to suckerpunch the redhead in the stomach. Before Mickey knew it Ianna had a hand around her throat and caught Mickeys lips between her own. Mickey turned her head away so Iannas lips was on her cheek, an annoyed huff escaped her lips. “Just fucking get me off, Gal-” 

Gallagher shut Mickey up with another kiss, with more force and teeth. It didn’t feel much of a sacrifice as she let it happened, when Gallagher’s hand finally went down her shorts. 

\---  
  


A few days later Mickey was leaving her brothers, to go home and clean up. She had cuts and bruises along her face and hands, because it got messy when they were collecting some cash. Fucking burned like hell.  
  
She made her way around a corner and when she heard quick footsteps behind her and smelled a familiar scent of vanilla; she couldn't help to smirk. It seemed like this was about to be a good fucking day after all.  
  
"Not even a week before you’re back? Can you spell desp-"  
  
Ianna didn't let Mickey finish the sentence, pulling the shorter girl along with a clear destination in mind.  
  
  
"You ever want to get out of Chicago?" Ianna was breathing loud, as she put on her tank top again.  
  
"Hope for your fucking sake that wasn't a proposition." Mickey had her t-shirt pushed up and panties pulled down, and she couldn’t care less as she laid on the filthy ground.  
  
"Just answer the question" Ianna sat down next to Mickey, searching for a lighter to light her joint.  
  
"I dunno, doesn't matter. Chicago or fuckin' Hawaii, still fucked for life."  
  
"Bet the view is prettier though."  
  
"God you're gay Gallagher."  
  
"Comin' from the person who just ate pussy 20 minutes ago"  
  
"Fuck off" They shared a smile and Mickey pulled up her panties, and sat up, stealing the lit joint from Ianna’s fingers. They were in an abandoned building that was gonna be bulldozed down soon, but for now it was their safe space. 

Mickey knew she was smiling, and tried not to care, as Ianna rambled on with whatever shit that was going on at her place. Stories about Frank and Carl kind of made Mickey feel better, because at least she wasn’t as bad as them. 

If Ianna interrupted her stories here and there so give Mickey a kiss or a soft bite to her shoulders, that was nobody’s business but their own.  
  
\---  
  
Mickey blamed it on the sex. Nothing more. That's why they texted each other a lot and that's why Mickey didn't push Ianna off a cliff when she stole her pizza bagels off her plate. Fantastic head made up for that. Kind of.  
  
It wasn't as if they held hands and talked about their feelings but they acted friendlier to each other. It made Mickey uneasy that people noticed; Mandy, Iggy, fuckin' Lip. Mickey was pretty sure even Kev knew about it, and that was just ridiculous because Mickey barely set her fucking foot into the Alibi. If others could figure it out then it wasn’t long before Terry would.  
  
So she made an effort to be stricter, like only text every other day and she kept it neat; no conversations, just when to meet up. No texting about favorite action movies, or really anything that’s a ‘favorite’. Mickey could tell that Ianna wasn’t pleased, but it's not like Mickey kept it a secret about this being a fuckbuddy thing. 

And it worked for a few weeks, until she felt like being a little spontaneous. Mandy had told her that Gallagher got a fucking A in geometry or something, and if that didn't call for a victory bang and some top-notch nachos Mickey didn't know what would.  
  
The sun was setting as Mickey strayed outside Kash n Grab, waiting til she knew for sure it was closing time, nerves tingling in her body for doing something that she knew she shouldn’t. When she saw the last customer leave and Ianna turn the sign to ‘closed’. Mickey walked around the store and sneaked through the backdoor, like she had so many times before. 

It was pretty desperate that Mickey knew when Ianna had closing time scheduling at the store but she found it hard to care when she was about to get some. Mickey had been good so it had been almost a week and a half since she last saw Ianna.  
  


She heard some fumbling and she stopped, wondering the fuck the sound was. She stopped short when she realised the sound came from cooler room, and she sure knew her way around there. In the small window she glared holes into Ianna’s back as she was getting it on with her boss. Mickey knew she had no right to fucking care and before she could stop herself, her feet moved forward, opening the door and her body slamming into Kash.

Ianna was the one who dragged her off, screaming at her for being stupid and Mickey couldn't help to scoff. She was the stupid one for not fucking her ancient married boss? Mickey was pulled away and Ianna told her to fucking leave, that she would handle the mess Mickey made. And that was the last fucking drop. Mickey went out the door and raised her middle finger back to Ianna. Fucking bitch. This only proved once more that Mickey shouldn't even try to be nice, it wasn’t worth it.

\---  
  
Saying that Mickey was jealous was a big stretch and fucking dumb and would get your face smashed. But she couldn't deny that she was upset, just a tiny bit. Mickey didn't fuck anybody else. She didn't have to, Ianna fulfilled her needs alright but apparently Mickey wasn't doing the same for her. The fact that Ianna had turned to a middle age married woman instead of Mickey was fucking insulting.  
  


In the night with only the mosquitos as a company, her mind wandered. Sure, Mickey wasn't that fucking experienced with girls, to give back and stuff, but she learned fast. There was a nagging thought in her head, that Gallagher might think that Micket wasn’t hot but Mickey wouldn’t fucking change herself just to please some chick. It was enough that she had started to shower more often. That was as good as it was going to get.  
  
She had never been the girly-girl like Mandy, with her long black hair and tight clothes and makeup. Mickey took after her brothers - well as much as she could without looking like a dyke. She got enough shit about her short hair from Terry, sides shaved and the rest slicked back with sweat and hair products. She kept it pretty girly; pierced ears, plucked eyebrows and she shaved. Even wore rings and bracelets sometimes.  
  
She wasn't like Ianna either, who managed to wear the same baggy hand-me-downs from her older siblings like Mickey but still looked nice, girly. She was kind of hot, Mickey knew she had bagged a fine one. Nothing like Angie Zago to say at least. Ianna was built and tall, kind of freaked Mickey out sometimes, with freckles that covered most of her face and body. Red wavy hair that stuck out all over the place, mostly pulled into a messy bun to keep the hair from her face.  
  
So yeah, there was a bit of a difference between Ianna and Mickey. With a sigh, Mickey closed her eyes.  
  
\---  
  
"Ianna told me you beat up Kash"  
  
Mickey spared her sister a glance, not really bothered of what she had to say. She figured she was either going to get punched for making Ianna upset or Mandy was going to ask stupid questions.  
  
"Not gonna say anything?"  
  
"You didn't ask me a question"  
  
Mandy sat down on the end of the bed, just next to Mickey's feet. She reached out for the blunt in her sister's hand and took a hit.  
  
"Fine. Why did you beat up Kash but not Ianna?"  
  
Honestly Mickey didn't know what she should say, she didn't really feel like telling Mandy she once in a while got off with girls. Or that more recently she only got off with her best friend.  
  
"Fucking felt like it"  
  
Mandy scoffed and pulled her arm away when Mickey reached to get the joint back.  
  
"Don't get me wrong, I'm happy you didn't do shit to Ianna but only fagbash one of them? That's fucking weird Mickey."  
  
"Whatever, I do whatever the fuck I feel like, get off my back" Getting sick of Mandy hogging the joint she lifted her upper body of the bed and in fast movements she titty twisted Mandy's left boob and with the other hand she snagged the joint back.  
  
In return Mandy swore and punched Mickey in the stomach. "I'd do the same but I can't even fucking see your boobs"  
  
"Bitch"  
  
They shared a tiny smile and Mandy pushed Mickey to the side so she could lie next to her sister, neither of them complaining even though Mandy was squished against the wall and Mickey was on the verge of falling off.  
  
"Why were you even there? Ianna told me she just locked up the store and was about to do inventory"  
  
"Inventory huh, fucking lame ass name for hooking up" Mickey snorted and put out the joint on her bedside table after taking a big hit, smoke escaping through her nose.  
  
Mandy sniggered. "You're such a dork. But yeah I guess. Thought she quit doing Kash though, she told me they were done or some shit."  
  
"Yeah? Said why?" Mickey blamed the blunt for asking the question.  
  
"Nah, not really. My guess is that she got sick of being hid away from everyone’s eyes like a dirty little secret." 

Mickey licked her lip and stared at the cracks on the ceiling. "Well what did she fucking expect, parading through town with a fucking pride flag? Would've gotten their heads bashed on the sidewalk after two fucking feet"  
  
Mandy turned her head towards Mickey, not even bothering to comment on the fact that her sister would've been one of the people doing just that. "You never said why you where there though"  
  
"I dunno, you said she aced her test - thought we could celebrate it or some fucking shit. Doesn't matter now anyways." Mickey heaved a sigh before getting up, pulling a hoodie over her head. "Wanna go get some food?"  
  
Mandy looked at her sister, like really looked at her. Not ever had she known her sister trying to be nice to someone who wasn't a Milkovich, and even then she wasn't very nice at all. But she didn't want to ruin the moment so Mandy just nodded and got up as well.  
  
"Yeah sure"  
  
\---  
  
After that Mandy kind of left Mickey alone for a while, apparently satisfied with the answers she got, and didn't even bring Ianna over. Mickey knew they still hanged out, Mandy more than not smelled like Gallagher's cheap detergent and vanilla perfume.  
  
Mickey didn't bother to text Ianna and the ginger didn't contact Mickey either. Suppose she was still angry about Kash - even though it was weeks ago - and Mickey avoided places she knew Ianna went to. Well, she still went by Kash n Grab to steal, just this time she did it when the girl wasn't there. It wasn’t a challenge, as soon as Kash saw Mickey she went to the back room until Mickey would leave.  
  
There wasn't any kind of breaking point, no heated arguments or confessions when Mandy decided that the little fight between Ianna and Mickey was over. Ianna barely gave her a glance and continued to watch the movie Mandy put in, as Mickey quickly disappeared into her room.  
  
There wasn't much to say really - they used to fuck, Ianna fucked her boss too at the same time and now they don't fuck. Mickey was still a little pissed off but she had the grace to not let Ianna know. Didn't want to give her some ideas that Mickey liked her or something. She didn't alright.  
  
Mickey tolerated Gallagher, used her for her own fucking pleasures and that's fucking all, and she hated that Mandy gave her these _looks_ every time Gallagher pretended she didn't exist.  
  
It's not like Gallagher was her fucking number one problem, she got other shit to deal with. Joey went to jail for something, she didn't really care about exactly what, and that meant Mickey had to step in and help her brothers out with their long runs. She hated that it put herself near Terry but atleast Mandy was safe.  
  
She and Mandy had always been on Terry's radar, especially since their mom died - Mandy was like a fucking replica of their mom and Mickey looked like their mom alright but the haircut and the tattoos made her look like a cheap copy of something that used to be beautiful. It's not very fucking hard to guess who got the bigger part of the assault of the two of them.  
  
\---  
  
"How long is it gonna take?" Mandy leaned against the doorframe, watching her sister pack.  
  
"I dunno, might take a while - we're driving to New York and probably gonna make a few stops on the way" Mickey spun around to check if she got everything she needed, not giving Mandy a second glance.  
  
"I don't like it that you're going with them, these trips always go fucking wrong"  
  
"Whatever, we need the money"  
  
"So get a fucking job"  
  
Mickey bit back a snarky remark and closed her backpack. It's not like she had a fucking choice anyways, she had to do whatever Terry told her. And he wanted her to take Joey's place on going to New York to make deals and trade.  
  
"You talked to Ianna yet?"  
  
Mickey raised her eyebrows while lighting up the cigarette she put between her lips. "Why should I?"  
  
"To talk things out or something? Fuck, she's like your only friend besides me"  
  
"Fuck you I got other guys to hang out with. Besides Gallagher have never been my fucking friend"  
  
"Getting fucked up with no-lifers doesn't qualify as friendship Mick"  
  
"It does to me. You got anything more to complain over or can I go set up in the car"  
  
Mandy sighed before grabbing a hug from Mickey before she could push away, "Can you at least think about it? She's getting fucking mopy about it and it's pretty annoying"  
  
"She got my fucking number if she wants anything" Mickey half-heartedly returned Mandy’s hug before picking up her backpack and her pillow.  
  
Mandy followed her like a shadow when Mickey made it out to the car to load her things inside.  
  
"Promise you gonna call every now and then"  
  
"Yeahyeah, stop acting like we're leaving you behind - you still got Iggy."  
  
It looked like Mandy was about to give her another hug so Mickey quickly jumped into the car, giving her a small smile, "Later, douchebag", not really comfortable with all the contact Mandy wanted. It wasn't like they had cancer or some shit, they were just going away for like a month.  
  
Once Terry, Colin and their Uncle Ronny got into the car, they were off, leaving Mandy alone on the sidewalk.  
  
\---  
  
Mandy was right. Mickey knew it all along, she just didn't want it to be true. It would be easier if it wasn't.  
  
In the beginning it was ok, pretty nice actually. Like a mini-vacation with the family. Terry was in a happy mood; laughing and making jokes, racist white-power jokes but jokes nonetheless. Ronny brought a fuck load of beers that kept everyone satisfied.  
  
They made a few deals in Michigan, giving Mickey a run down on what to do before they got to New York where the big deal was. And it was in New York it went to shit.  
  
Mickey didn't really know the details; she was in the getaway car and her uncle were supervising the area while Terry, Colin and some other guys met up with a few clients. All she knew was that suddenly sirens were heard and Ronny jumped into the car, screaming at her to drive away. And as soon she got outside the block police cars surrounded the warehouse.  
  


  
  
It felt like there was insects under her skin, crawling around and biting her, and she wanted out. She wanted to drive away back home, but she couldn't. Mickey wasn't a coward, she wasn't afraid of some lame ass cops - she was a fucking Milkovich. So she stuck around with her uncle, sleeping in their car trying to lay low while collecting information about what happened.  
  
They only got to know about rumors, about how the deal went to shit. Their clients tried to haggle the price which made Terry pissed - not that that came as a surprise, fucker was always mad about something. Then someone got shot. They didn't know who called the fucking cops or who died, the only thing Mickey cared about was that Terry and Colin got arrested.  
  
With them in jail, she was in the risk-zone of getting there too. So they laid low for a while, making a few deals on the side to get around. It was boring as fuck. Especially since she had to get rid of her phone, her uncle paranoid as fuck about getting tracked by the cops.  
  
After a month Mickey was crawling up the walls and Ronny wasn't better. She didn't know what made him insist on sticking around, Terry wouldn't have given two fucks if it was the other way around, but she knew better than to talk to him about it. Would've just gotten her a sleepless night outside the car, and Mickey wouldn’t risk it; it was getting fucking cold outside.  
  
Two months later Colin showed up. He didn't gave them an explanation or shit, just told 'em that Terry was arrested for murder and that they should finish their deals and get the fuck out of there.  
  
It was about fucking time too, Mickey was sick of New York. People were fucking weird, wearing stupid shit and it was loud as fuck. Mickey wanted to go home, sleep in her crappy bed and eat pizza until she threw up.  
  
She missed Mandy, even Iggy too. She missed getting a good fuck from Gallagher. Hell she wasn't even picky about it being the ginger or not, as long as it wasn't by a dick. She had enough of those these past months. Fucking selfish fuckers with ugly dicks and 3 minutes fucks in dirty bathrooms.  
  
If Mickey was going into details she might think about how she missed Gallagher's stupid laugh too. And her boobs, her freckles, her fucking bitchy chin. But she wasn't, alright. Most of all though, she missed her bed.  
  
\---  
  
It took them almost a two weeks after Colin got out, to get home and Mickey had practically dreamt every night about hitting the showers, smelling nice and fresh. She dreamt about shaving so she would be smooth and soft. It was pretty pathetic.  
  
So the first thing she did when the car stopped in front the Milkovich household, she grabbed her stuff and climbed over Colin to get inside first. Fuck if she was going to let him hog all the hot water. She may or may not have kicked him in the face in the process. Whatever.  
  
"What the fuck, you fucking kicked me in the face"  
  
"No I didn't asshole"  
  
Colin raced after her into the house, throwing his shit somewhere on the floor, "Fuck you, you fucking fuck - you kicked me in face, it's gonna fucking bruise"  
  
Mickey rounded the couch, leaving some space between them, "Why you acting like a bitch for, it's not like your face could get any worse"  
  
Letting a smirk form on Mickey's face she watched her brother process the insult, her body vibrating from the fact she was finally home and not going to sleep in some disgusting van for the night. It might smell like a blown up meth lab and got dirt smeared on every thinkable corner but it was home.  
  
When her brother charged, she easily dodged and ran the fasted she could towards her room and kicked the door closed, leaning her weight on it so Colin couldn't get inside. The lock that Mickey had put up had already broken before she left. They had been down this road to many times so Mickey did what she always did, waited it out.  
  
Her eyes scanned the room to find something to barrack the door with when her eyes locked on a wrinkled fabric on the floor. The thing that stood out was that it was fucking green. Mickey didn't own green clothes, she didn't think none of the Milkoviches wore green unless it was in plaid.  
  
She leaned a little forward to take closer look and at the same time her idiot brother slammed into the door, making her fall face first on the floor.  
  
"Oh shit, you ok?"  
  
Mickey pressed her hand on her throbbing nose, turning her glare at Colin. "The fuck you think assface"  
  
Her brother winced, his anger slowly disappearing, and scratched under his nose "Uh, you got a little ... on your face"  
  
Mickey used her other hand to try to swipe the blood away, a lost cause if she'd ever seen one. "Get the fuck out and close the door dipshit"  
  
She heard the door close soon after but her attention was on the green fabric that was partially under the bed. She didn't reach for it, afraid that she would get blood on it, easily recognizing who it belong to. She would be dumb not to, Gallagher wore green like she breathed air.  
  
And the more she looked around the more unsettled she got. She knew she'd been gone for a little more than three, almost four months but she hadn't really thought that anything had changed. She didn't think she would find the redhead's clothes in her room or find her bed made, which she normally never did. When she looked around her room actually looked clean.  
  
It was fucking unsettling and Mickey wanted it to stop. Getting off the floor she shrugged off her own clothes, throwing them on the floor in a pathetic attempt to make her feel better. It didn't.  
  
She made her way to the shower, desperately trying to not notice the extra toothbrush at the sink, and stepped into the shower and turned the water on even though it took a few minutes for the warm water to set in.  
  
Mickey scrubbed her skin raw, leaving imprints from her nails, not sure if she wanted the dirt to go away or whatever shitstorm that lay ahead. She carefully shaved her body, going through with washing her hair and body three times before she felt like she could leave the sanctuary of the bathroom.  
  
She threw on a pair of loose boxers and a black sweatshirt after she dried off, wandering out of her room just so she wouldn't have to deal with the stuff in there.  
  
Not that the rest of the place was better; Ronny had set up their stuff in the living room, drugs and money littered everywhere, and Colin was in the kitchen yelling about there being no beer left.  
  
Suddenly being home didn't feel like Mickey thought it would be.  
  
\---  
  
Mickey woke up to someone clumsily crawling into her bed. Her hand reached blindly for her knife with closed eyes until she recognized the tell-tale off their cheap-ass detergent and the way she clinged to Mickey's body.  
  
"Whatcha doin' here, something wrong with your bed" Mickey mumbled, face still buried in her pillow.  
  
Her sister dragged the cover over her body making Mickey grumble because that didn't leave much for her. She didn't really have the energy to fight her about it though, exhausted to finally sleep in her own bed. Within seconds Mickey had fallen asleep again.  
  
Mickey grumbled when the sunlight hit her eyes, trying with weak arms to lift the covers up to shield herself. Not that she succeeded at all, the covers stuck on an immobile force. It took a few seconds for her to remember that Mandy had crawled into her bed in the middle of the night and as she was on her way to push her sister away, the light caught on fiery red strands. Slowly Mickey turned her head around only to see Ianna’s sleepy face a few centimeters away.  
  
Thoughts raced through her head and she wasn’t able to really put her finger on exactly what she was feeling. Mickey was torn between kicking and pushing the girl away so she’d fall down on the floor, telling her to fuck off and find somewhere else to crash or to sneak out and pretend this had never happened. One thing for certain, she was getting a new fucking lock on her door.  
  
“Morning” Mickey was brought back from her thoughts when she heard Ianna’s voice. Mickey ran her hands over her face to stall, completely out of her comfort zone.  
  
“Didn’t think you were ever coming back” Ianna pushed herself up, always towering over Mickey one way or another.  
  
“That’s why you been using my fucking room?” Mickey bite back, “This ain’t a fucking guestroom, if that little piece of information went unnoticed.”  
  
“Uh yeah sorry. It’s been crazy over at my place.” Ianna watched as Mickey heaved herself up from the bed. “Monica’s back. For now at least.”  
  
Mickey scoffed. “Ain’t a fucking reason to use my room as you please.” She pulled off the t-shirt she had been sleeping in and threw it on the floor with the rest of her clothes and picked up a faded grey tank top that looked fairly clean. She also kind of enjoyed how Ianna seemed tongue-tied at the sight of Mickey without shirt. 

  
“To be fair, you’ve been gone for months. Didn’t think that three weeks was gonna matter.” Ianna continued after Mickey pulled the tank top on and began to search for a pair of pants. When the silence stretched on, it was clear Mickey wasn’t gonna say anything more than give Ianna the stink eye.  
  
“I missed you.”  
  
Mickey turned towards the redhead, seeing the somewhat hopeful look on her face. This was so not fucking cool. This was not happening. Mickey wanted to be miles apart from this fucking conversation.  
  
Mickey didn’t know what the fuck had happened when she was gone, last time she checked they weren’t on speaking terms and Ianna was definitely fucking her boss. And now she was sleeping in her bed as if that was something she had the right to do and telling her she missed Mickey? Fucking bullshit.  
  
“Alright, don’t know what the fuck happened to you and towelhead, but just because you suddenly got tired of that old fucker, doesn’t mean we’re still a thing - we were never a thing Gallagher” Mickey briskly told her, letting her frustration bled into her tone.  
  
Mickey tracked the redhead’s movement as Ianna drew her fingers through her hair, almost pulling the strands as she went.  
  
“Mandy told me why you showed up at the store” Apparently the angry vibe Mickey had going on seemed to go over Ianna’s head because the fucker directed a small smile towards her lap. “How you wanted to celebrate my grades.” She lifted her green eyes to focus on Mickey who clumsily pulled on a pair of ripped pants that used to belong to Joey.  
  
“That doesn’t mean shit, stop making this into something that it’s not.” With that Mickey grabbed her phone and a jacket. “I want you and your shit out of my room before I’m back”  
  
Mickey rushed out of the house, not giving a shit that Mandy called after her, and slammed the door as she made her way to the L. Hands deep in her pockets and pissed because she didn’t take her hat; her ears were going to fucking freeze. If she couldn’t get a fucking relaxing moment at home she might as well go and look into unfinished business elsewhere.  
  


  
She didn’t came back until the sun had set, slowly walking up to the house. Mandy was sitting at the porch, smoking a cigarette; waiting with a blanket wrapped around her body.

“You just fucking ran, not even a hello this morning” Mandy said as Mickey sat down next to her. In the midst of the whole Gallagher-drama she had forgotten about Mandy. 

Mickey could bite back or play aloof but she was tired, so tired of it. “Yeah, I know. Sorry”

Mickey lit her own cigarette, listening to cars driving past and a distant sound of talking. Compared to New York this was paradise. 

Mandy elbowed Mickey gently, not needing to tell her that she missed her; Mickey knew. Mickey gave her a smile, because yeah; she too. She knew the feeling would go away the next time Mandy took her stuff without asking, but for now she enjoyed this. 

“I told Ianna it was ok to take your room. Iggy’s barely been around” Mandy crushed her cigarette into the pavement and took her place behind Mickey, pushing her sister down a step. With ease she divided the hair to braid two boxing braids. “Your shaved sides are getting long, trying to grow it out again?”

Mickey shrugged, she hadn’t thought about it; in the summer it was nice to shave it but the upkeep sucked. “Wasn’t your room to lend out, was it though?”

Mandy ignored the response, tightening the braids enough to make Mickey wince. “Don’t be a dick, she was just needed some time off her fucked up family; she’s got one too remember”

When Mandy didn’t get a response she secured the first braid with a hair-tie around her wrist. Mickey could feel her hesitate before giving her a long hug, whispering in her ear “I don’t care who you bang. We don’t have to talk about it; don’t get your panties in a twist. Just wanted you to know that” 

Mandy eventually let go to start on the second braid and Mickey felt like she could breathe again. She didn’t want to know what or if Ianna told her, or how much Mandy had figured out on her own. Her eyes stared straight ahead, focusing on a street lamp, trying to calm down. 

Mickey lit another cigarette and took deep breaths, Terry wasn’t here and no one else knew. She kept it going like a mantra inside her head as Mandy kept her up to date with what happened when she was gone.

Her bedroom was empty when Mickey finally went to sleep. She couldn’t see any unknown pieces of clothing and her bed was unmade, like it was supposed to be. It took forever to fall asleep. She dreamt of blood, bones breaking and freckles. 

The next time Mickey saw Ianna she was standing in the line at Al’s pizza, engrossed in her phone. Mickey allowed herself to watch her, really look at her. Ianna had her hair loose for once, waves bouncing on her shoulders. She was wearing an oversized military-colored jacket that was unzipped, so Mickey could see she was wearing a grey wool cardigan with black skinny jeans. She looked soft, even though Mickey knew that beneath those layers where firm muscles and sharp edges. 

For a second she wondered what it would be like to not care about anyone else and just walk up to her; cracking a lame joke about running into each other, steal a slice or two from her pizza and maybe if it felt right, intertwine their fingers for a moment. That fantasy alone was so different than the others, and it was downright terrifying. 

Mickey used to think that she was fearless and independent; turns out she’s the fucking opposite. Scared and insecure. Gallagher stood for everything she hated and everything she wanted. 

In that moment Mickey wondered what was Gallagher’s weakness. It was obvious that the Kash n Grab wasn’t a soft spot, more like the owner was. But apparently that was over. Mandy had said that Gallagher was sick of hiding. Mickey wondered if that feeling had always been there or if it had come recently. 

Ianna’s family was an obvious weakness, they bent themself backwards to stand up for each other and keep them afloat. Mickey was a tiny bit impressed with Fiona for sticking around but then again; Fiona practically threw her life away for a bunch of shits. From what Mickey had gathered ‘loyal but dumb’ was a family trait. Batshit crazy could also apply. 

Mickey tore her eyes from Ianna as she realised that she was front in line and would soon turn around, the last thing Mickey wanted was to be caught staring; especially since she just had thrown her out. 

As she went out the door a figure busted through the door, making Mickey swear as she almost got knocked over. “Want to fucking die?!”

Mickey met Lip’s smirk with a scowl. “Wanna see you fucking try, Milkovich”

Mickey wanted to fucking smash that face into bits, and she could tell that Lip was daring her to do it, but she could feel Ianna’s eyes staring holes into her neck so she raised her middle finger and got the hell out of there. 

When Mickey got home she noticed a text on her phone. How Ianna even had her new number she didn’t know, considering she had gotten the new phone this morning. 

**UNKOWN**  
 _(18:12) You didn’t beat up Lip_ _  
__(18:25) Thanks_

Mickey didn’t know what to do with that, so she put her phone back in her pocket and settled against the couch, watching whatever rerun of Family Guy that was on. 

\--- 

That night apparently did something to Ianna because after that Mickey was flooded by texts. Well, alright it wasn’t like 40 a day but like sometimes one or two every other day. Mickey didn’t respond but she had started to look forward to them, even if they mostly were about nothing at all.

Like; it snowed during the night, did u notice it? or, I hate winter everyone is inside and they’re so fucking loud. And sometimes stupid facts that usually came around school hours; They even assassinated Abraham Lincoln's dog, talk about holding a fucking grudge. 

Ianna came over sometimes after school with Mandy, hanging out. Mickey usually wasn’t there; by design because she didn’t know what to fucking do. The thought about confronting whatever she was feeling filled her with dread and she rather fuck around with Iggy and Colin. 

Mickey didn’t think they knew anything, which wasn’t surprising. Her brothers weren’t known for their brains. Hanging out with them made her feel like she used to, before Ianna. 

It was hard to stay away though. Terry had been sentenced away, not on a murder charge like they thought but on the drugs. Combined with breaking his probation he was likely to stay away for a while, and just like that Mickey didn’t feel as cautious as she did before. 

\---

Mickey was sharpening and cleaning her knives, mostly because Mandy had a guy over that looked like a fucking loser but also because she was kinda bored. The sound of the knife being sharpened was like music to her ears as the loser hunched down in the couch, as if that really was gonna stop Mickey if she wanted to stab him. Dumb fuck. Mandy was ignoring her, as she already had given up on trying to get Mickey to leave. The only reason why they hadn’t left for Mandy’s room was because their uncle had passed out on her bed. 

Mickey phone pinged, making the guy jump in his seat. Mickey unlocked her phone, not even trying to hide her grin, as she looked at her snapchat. Which made her grin fall right of her face, what the actual fuck. Mickey sent an irritated glare at Mandy before accepting Ianna’s friend request on snapchat. Mickey opened the picture and died a little inside.

Ianna had sent a picture of herself in grey sweats that hung low on her hips and a bra that barely covered her, standing in what seemed like her bedroom in front of a full length mirror. Quickly Mickey went to the bathroom, locking the door at the same time Mandy yelled ‘finally’. 

Mickey stared into the mirror above the sink, her blue eyes wide open and cheeks flushed. Mickey counted to eight, which was how long she could keep away from looking at the picture, hand careful not to press on the screen making the picture go away. 

Ianna had her red curls loose, a fingers pushing back her bangs. Long freckled limbs, abs that showed a little even though she wasn’t flexing, and a rack that barely fit her bra. Fucking hell how she missed this view. Mickey could tell that Ianna was high, based on her slacked jaw expression, and heavy eyelids. 

Mickey bit her lip. Her stomach was tingling, the sensation increasing the longer she looked at the picture. Another ding signaled another snapchat from Ianna, and Mickey was itching to look at it but she didn’t want to lose this one. Knowing it was a total dickmove Mickey quickly screenshotted the picture and opened the second one. 

_ian.gal_ _  
__(23:56) showed u mine, ur turn_. 

Ianna had taken a picture on her bed this time. Mickey scoffed, yeah right.

 _ian.gal_ _  
__(23:57) a screenshot, rly? bitch get ur cloths off_

Mickey snorted, fingers itching to respond. Mickey took a picture at the sink, refusing to take on of herself on principle. 

mickey-milkobitch  
 _(00:00) u didn’t show shit gallagher_

 _ian.gal_ _  
__(00:00) didnt have to, ur wet just lookin at me like this_  
  


God she’s arrogant. And right. Mickey hated that she was right and honestly, Mickey could’ve gotten off just looking at whatever selfie Ianna had posted on facebook. Which she had. Fucking pathetic. Mickey took a picture of her giving the finger.

Mickey waited a while and after ten minutes had gone, and still no reply she flushed the toilet and left the bathroom. Mickey went back to her chair, ignoring Mandy’s groan, and continued to clean her knives. 

It was fucking annoying that she didn’t reply so it didn’t take long before she sent another picture, this time on her knifes. 

mickey-milkobitch  
 _(00:17) ???_

Mickey saw when Ianna looked at the picture and then didn’t fucking reply - again. Mickey tried to not let it bother her but it did, and that fucking loser was breathing so loud; fucking dick. 

ian.gal  
 _(00:20) what?_

mickey-milkobitch  
 _(00:20) what u mean what?? fucking continue asshole_

ian.gal  
 _(00:26) sorry only send nudes to girlfriend_

Mickey put away her phone and looked up at Mandy in bewilderment, who was looking back at her. The loser had vanished and Mandy was wearing an amused expression. She had no fucking clue what just happened. 

“What’s happening Mick?” Mandy asked casually. 

“I.. don’t fucking know” Mickey looked over at her sister, suspiciously. “Do you have anything to do with this??”

Mandy shrugged, “To do about what? Who are you talking to?”

Mickey scowled, “Nothing fuck off. Where did the loser go?”

“He went to hide in the bathroom; congratulations” 

It did actually make Mickey feel a little bit better. Not much though. It irked her, she didn’t fucking start this or ask for nudes. Ianna was the one who had reached out and then given her the cold shoulder for nothing. And girlfriend?? What the fuck was that about. Did Ianna say that because she had a girlfriend or that she wanted a girlfriend? Before her nerves had a chance to stop her she fired away another text, determine to not be fucking coward.  
  
mickey-milkobitch  
 _(00:29) u back with towelhead?_

ian.gal  
 _(00:31) no_

Mickey stared at the picture that showed an amused smile. 

ian.gal  
 _(00:32) single but looking, interested?_  
  


Her thumbs itched for her to quickly type out a ‘no’ but it felt wrong. She had a feeling that if she pushed her away again she wasn’t gonna stick around anymore. If Ianna had even hinted at that question a few months earlier she would have exploded and made sure she got a few hits in. She wanted Gallagher, it was stupid to not admit it at this point, no one else had caught her attention like she had. No one else was good enough after her… Her stomach turned over the word girlfriend though.

“Are you having revelation? A midlife crisis? This is fucking great” Mandy was fucking gleeful, sitting with her feet in the couch, hugging her legs. “Your face is twitching and spasming, you look like a _freak_ ”

Mickey glared and got to her feet, collecting and carefully putting her knifes into her box. “Weren’t you in the biggest fucking hurry to choke on a dick a minute ago?” 

“If you have the urge to shave your hair off, or buy a motorcycle; you hafta take me with you!”

Mickey pulled on her jacket and boots, wanting some fucking privacy. This time she grabbed a knitted beanie and pulled on her head before leaving. Mickey lit a cigarette and looked up, to see Gallagher standing down the porch. They shared a look as Mickey walked up to her, and together walked down the sidewalk. 

It was a comfortable silence but Mickey still felt a need to break it. It was like word was bubbling, pushing in her throat: trying to climb their way out. She took a big inhale of her cigarette, trying to hold everything in as long as she could. She didn’t know what the fuck was wrong with her and she couldn’t promise that whatever she was feeling right now was real. 

“Mandy’s been texting me, she said that you looked like you were having a stroke. Didn’t really believe it, it couldn’t be that the ice cold Mickey was expressing feelings, right?” Ianna broke the silence, stealing Mickey’s cigarette. “I had to check it out”

“Mandy’s a compulsive liar. What can I say, she’s got real fucking problems” Mickey tried to keep her voice light but she didn’t know if she fooled anyone. Gallagher seemed to know her better than she wanted. “Just bummed that you wouldn’t post more pics”

Gallagher pushed her hands in her pockets, kicking a lump of snow that came in her way. “Easy problem to fix though” 

Mickey scrunched her eyebrows together, lips twitching. She didn’t dare to speak, only making a small sound from the back of her throat. Non-decisive. 

Gallagher grabbed a hold of Mickey’s arm, making her turn towards Gallagher. “Just say you’re not interested Mick. End this” 

Mickey moved her elbow out of Gallaghers hand. “Stop telling me what to fucking do Gallagher”

“I would if you’d stop being a fucking pussy all the time, running away: hiding” Gallagher raised her eyebrows, not touching her but Mickey knew it was a fucking bait to rile her up. Getting Mickey to get closer, touching, stealing a kiss, making Mickey forget everything else. 

When she didn’t get the reaction she wanted Gallagher sighed, shoulders slumping. “You want me, can’t you admit it? I see the way you look at me”

Mickey looked around, the cold biting her nose and fingers. Mickey put her hands into her pockets, and looked around the empty street. “Wanting you isn’t the fucking same as being a fucking girlfriend”

“So you’re saying no?” Mickey tried to look anywhere but Ianna. She hated that she had to chose. She just wanted to exist. To be without labels. 

“Fine. Fucking good. I know then, I won’t waste my fucking time to make _you_ my girlfriend”

Mickey flinched, her face showing every fucking doubt and suspicion she felt. “You won’t waste your time with _me_? The fuck. You got a fucking list to cross off?”

Gallagher shrugged and continued to walk, still smoking Mickey’s cigarette. “Not a list, just got alternatives” 

Mickey let out a laugh, not wanting to believe what the fuck just came out Gallagher’s mouth. “ _Oh, alternatives_? So you don’t fucking care who’s holding your hand and get you off? Anybody will do the trick?” Mickey felt so fucking stupid and angry, and she tried to think straight, but it was hard, as she followed Gallagher. 

“Why do you care?” 

“I fucking don’t, dickhead” Mickey muttered. “It’s fucking Kash, isn’t it?”

“Nah, it’s just someone I met at Fiona’s job at the nightclub, she’s really nice. Buys me stuff”

Mickey felt every insecurities stick holes into her as if they were knives. “You’re hooking up with another old bag?” 

“Like I said. She’s nice.”

Mickey took the hint and shit on it. She could be fucking nice but Gallagher fucking made it hard, alright. “So when you’ve been texting me? What, you’ve been with her?”

“For not wanting to be with me, you sure seem to care a lot”

“You hinting that I should be nicer, but being a fucking asshole yourself”

Mickey lit another cigarette, as Gallagher had finished hers already. Her heart was beating so loud, she was sure Ianna could hear it. Jealousy was burning in her body and she didn’t know how to make it go away. She knew in the back of her head, that this was probably another trick to make Mickey react. It was obvious that Ianna cared, she wouldn’t fucking bait Mickey like this if she didn’t. 

“Just fuck off alright, to whoever” Mickey bit her lip, to stop the words she didn’t want to say, but this time she failed. “I know you want me to be this person… But fuck, what if i can’t be what you want me to be? What if I don’t want to?”

Mickey’s honesty seemed make her swallow whatever comeback she had on her tongue. There was an intensity in her eyes, and under the street lights they seemed to glow.

“I want you to stop pushing me away, I want you to only be mine and I want you to not give a fuck about what everyone else thinks; I don’t want you to be someone else. Fuck nice, fuck holding hands, if I can be with you” 

Ianna was out of breath as she finished and Mickey was in awe, not sure that this was real. For all she knew, she was high at home and fantasizing all this. 

“Fuck everyone else?” Mickey said, her head moving without permission closer to Iannas.

“If they stick their nose where it don’t belong, I’ll smash their knees in with a baseball bat” 

And Mickey needs help, because that was the most fucking romantic shit she had ever heard in her life. Mickey pushed up on her toes as Ianna leaned her head down, lips meeting and tongues crashing, knowing that in this moment she had made a choice, and it didn’t terrify her like she thought it would. 


End file.
